Saying No..

3rd December 2020 - By Jen Tyson
It can be the kindest thing you do for someone else, and yourself
We often think saying YES to every request, on our time, money, and resources is being kind. I learned a long time ago, that being 'kind' to everyone else was leaving me exhausted, overwhelmed and sometimes resentful, and I wasn't being kind to myself.

I used to attach so much guilt to saying NO, I would often find myself in situations where I was burned out, and just plain overwhelmed. After a few exhausting years, I realised I needed to get some stuff off my plate, I needed to breathe and declutter my schedule so I could give myself some time to just be me, and look after myself.

I started to learn how to say NO, nicely. It wasn’t always ‘without guilt’ or that nagging feeling I was letting someone down, but I still did it. The more I did it, the more I realised that my life was not going to fall apart if I put myself or my family first. 
I also learned to reframe it in my mind, by stepping out or back from something I was good at, it was possibly giving someone else the opportunity to contribute. Also by saying yes to things I really didn’t want to do, was not being honest or living in integrity with myself or others, so in actual fact not very kind at all.
Our egos get a bit of a lift when someone says “You are so great at that xxxx or you are the best person for this job because you are so good at xxx”

Those who are used to delegating on committees, teams or jobs, are great at finding the right people but also great at framing the question in a way that ‘sells’ it to them. There may be no doubt they are genuine in their praise of you and your skills, but they also have an agenda they need to fill. 

You may be amazing at your particular skill, even love doing it – if you are like me, you may be the one everyone goes to for help with that particular thing, but if your life is so full your head is spinning, you are tired, grumpy, not spending time nurturing your own health and wellbeing, then you probably have too much on your plate.

GREAT NEWS: You have the power to choose, to decide what things you will say YES to and what things you will say NO to.
I read a book last year called Soulful Simplicity, by Courtney Carver – What a great book for those seeking more simplicity in all of life! In this book she says - 

“Stop saying YES to the things your heart says NO to”

A year before I read this book I had already decided to go through this exercise below, I did it in January because that is a great time to review the year you had, and refresh what you want for the next year, but of course you can STOP and take time to do this any time of the year!

Here is an exercise to help you go through and decide what things you need to let go of and a bit of a plan, in order to gain more freedom and joy in your life.
I recommend finding some quiet reflection time to do this – find some time alone where you can think deeply and write without distractions of others, devices or TV.

Download the 5 step exercise here

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